ROUND 2

I really didn't want to go to a stronger chemo because of the side effects, and wanted one more shot with the pills, because I knew from experience, that I could handle them. It's interesting to note that the lump in my mouth was never actually confirmed as cancerous because the sample taken wasn't exactly of the solid variety, coming from the top of the mouth. I wasn't exactly promoting another biopsy because I knew.

END OF ROUND NUMBER TWO ( WHAT'S GOING ON ? )

During treatment I continued to work and workout. I had always said that I was going ten rounds with the big guy, and this was the END OF ROUND TWO. So far I was lucky to have the cancer grow in pain free areas and be chemotherapy sensitive. But this wasn't the only anxieties I was facing. The human side of dealing .with cancer is a battle in itself. Relationships change, and new ones are created, as people react to the news of your cancer. Some people view you differently, even when you're lucky enough, not to have changed. I was at an out of town hockey tournament and a friend was on the opposing team we were playing, but no one else on their team knew me. All of the cardio workouts had improved my wind, and I was playing my best hockey in years. All through the game I would catch opposing players staring at me strangely ( THE LOOK ), and they wouldn't look away, and it gave me an uneasy, respected yet pitied feeling. After the game I asked my friend if he had told his team of my illness, and he said it did come up in the conversation before the game. Maybe they knew something, I missed the next year's tournament ( we were defending champs ) and the whole season for that matter, because of NHL. It's kind of ironic, I can't play hockey because of my NHL.

Certain medical procedures that need to be done also have their downfalls. Having a biopsy performed on the top of your mouth, isn't very pleasurable. I've been put under and had localized freezing for the groin biopsies, and next time I want to be put under. I know it wasn't suppose to hurt, but tell that to the sweat that was beading from my forehead, it did. And speaking of pain, Bone Marrow Aspirations can be an adventure when you have strong bones. Also having a Hickman Catheter sticking out of your chest for months isn't high on my list of must does but compared to all the needles that are needed daily during treatment, must do. It's important to find out all your options so you can make a decision that is advantageous to you, but remember your doctor is more experienced with these matters.

People are aware of what you're going through. Draw strength from their words and actions, or as I call them, STRENGTH GIVERS, the adrenaline of feeling good about yourself. Harness those feelings towards your will to move on. An example of a strength giver is a friend of mine told me that I helped him get through the death of two sons in a car crash. His respect for my attitude towards my. disease gave me more will to fight on. Another example of a Strength Giver is that my best friend and his wife told me that they were naming their first born boy after me. Their words alone are pillars of strength. Strength Givers can also be a simple as someone saying " if anyone can beat this thing you can " or people just treating you as they always have (one of my personal favorites).

With time your attitude towards your disease chances as the stats begin to work in your favor. At first I was embarrassed and ashamed of having NHL but as time went on and my experiences grew I became proud of what I had been through and I learned how to harness this feeling towards moving on. The trick was to feel good about myself and the example I was setting for others.

Remember your medical team is only human and sometimes the bearer of Mood Makers. Six years into my disease I was still getting the," it's just a matter of time" speech. They deal with an everyday overtaxed system and have so many legal responsibilities. An occasional slip-up can easily be overlooked in comparison to the wonders of technology that they practice. Even during remission times are trying. Little pimples, strange growths, blotches, or pains are viewed with extreme caution and plenty of anxiety, until they finally go away or are diagnosed.
Definite Mood Makers.

3 years of remission after a somewhat fortunate first battle had left me still clinging to my invincibility cape. When my NHL returned I was brought into the reality of the world of "RECURRENT"and the label that it hung around my neck. This is where I realized that this was for real and the belief that it wasn't going to comeback was flushed down the toilet. By this time I had become aware of the alternatives that were ahead in terms of treatment and I didn't fancy their outcome. I can vaguely recall being overly persuasive to my oncologist in going against the norm. Even back then I proceeded with a cautious nature. Chemo scared me then and you know what folks certain types still do today.

NOTED IN 2005

It's interesting to note that even though NHL has not returned it still plays a major role in the tretment process I received for the blood cloth. Because the cause of the blood cloth was never found my NHL oncologist went in to high gear ordering several tests to check for a sleeping beast. It was also interesting to note that the regular statistical analysis in regards to recovery for Malignant Melomoma and the blood cloth became "sit on the fence" proclamations because of my previous NHL involvment, despite being so far removed (8 year remission).

What I'm also noticing this time around is that because I'm such an interesting, successful case, most Doctor's enjoy the challenge of being part of the learning process of us ground breaking patients. I really believe that getting involved in a Clinical Trial aided in the treatment process in that I became a stat that needed to be kept track of.